i'm still here.

In two and a half weeks I'll have been living in California for one full year. Really? That can't be right. That doesn't feel right at all. Our AmeriCorps year was less than a full year, and yet it seems like it was so much longer. So much more full of moments. Highs and lows. It still feels like I just moved out here.

I think in my last post I wrote that I was eligible for two more levels of promotions - that they just didn't have the openings. I actually skipped those two levels and got promoted above all of that. So all of the people who were above me a couple of months ago I'm now in charge of in some aspects. I write their employee evaluations. I train them. I have to tell them what they're doing wrong and how they can do it better. That sort of thing. I'm now a Clinical Specialist - which basically means that I'm in charge of all things behavioral. I write the students' Behavioral Intervention Plans, I advise classroom staff on how to deal with behavioral challenges, I work on teaching the kids more positive behaviors. At Inner Harbour I was terrified of ever having to do a restraint or having to put hands on a child. Now I walk around with a walkie-talkie and any time a child is having serious behavioral problems I get called in to help. So any time there's a restraint on campus - I'm there. I take behavior data on students, data on how the staff are doing, I can drive one of those big white vans to field trips. I do all kinds of shit now.

I like it. There's definitely a lot of responsibility, sometimes I feel like I'm walking underwater and I just have to fake like I belong there. But it's working. I was hand picked for the position - so at least they believe in me. They told me this position normally only goes to someone with a degree in Applied Behavioral Analysis - or at the very least Psychology - but they still thought I'd be really good for it. So that's nice.

Some guy tried to mug me in San Francisco, and I talked him down and got away safely. When the school's director heard the story she said, "Oh yeah. You're perfect for this position."

Let's see. My friend just got attacked by a homeless guy in San Francisco this past weekend. It was her birthday. Right after her party. She was pretty drunk - so my roommate and I were walking her home. She wanted to stop to get something to eat. We were in Carl's Jr. at like 2:30 in the morning and this homeless guy just walks in, hits her really hard from behind, and leaves. My friend was really upset/scared, the police came and had him in custody, we had to ID him, we may have to testify in court. It was not a fun way to end her birthday. She was having so much fun at her party too.

I went out with this guy from Trinidad/the UK. I like him. He has a cool accent. We're going out again on Friday.

I like it out here in California, but I feel like I'm spread too thin - people wise. I have several diverse groups of friends, but the groups don't intermingle. I spend a little bit of time with each one, and am therefore kept from getting really close to any. I prefer to have a small but close group of friends - you guys were really good for that. I have a few friendships that go deep, but they're spread out amongst groups. It's not the same. I know that AmeriCorps style friendships can never be duplicated - so really I wish you guys could just all move out here.

July, july

Wow it took forever to get to July last year. This year it seems like I arrived at it in no time. I do miss sitting around with Bear and Tilly while we did summer planning, and I'm happy to say I'm not addicted to large iced coffees this summer, but in some ways I am nostalgic for last summer. Incorrectly nostalgic, of course, because at the time I was in super ohmygod I miss New Jersey mode, but nostalgic for everyone I guess. Also it is unbearably hot here this summer, so in a way it doesn't feel meteorogically different.

I think I may have talked to everyone individually about getting the job I wanted for the school year. The people seem really cool, especially the head librarian I'll be working under. It's also an amusingly different environment to work in than Inner Harbour. There is free lunch every day, which I am praying is better than IH. Although I wouldn't have traded in working with Wicasa for anything, I am happy to be working with high school kids. And also to not have to wear t-shirts to work every day, although my clothing hasn't evolved much from my winter bum look (just fewer layers of bummery now). I am looking forward to occasionally reading a young adult novel while doing schoolwork. But mostly doing schoolwork. I am cutting back my schedule but I'm sure it will still be a busy semester

And then there's the book. The only thing I can really be proud of right now is that I am keeping up on writing things down. It would have been easier if I had written things down continuously last year rather than doing it piecemeal by consulting e-mails I wrote and drawings and scribbles in my sketchpad and listing every service project, but slowly by surely I'm getting it down. I don't really think it's good. Maybe I write too late at night, but sometimes when I go back and look at it, I have major ehhh feelings about how I put things. Also I'm not sure of how much I can legally say in some cases (so far I am using real names but I assume at some point I will have to hit some 'replace all'...carefully. Dwigt?) And I haven't delved into things I have some shallow negative feelings towards. August. August will be the solid write-down, cake-bake last hurrah before crazytime school/work starts.

Like I said before, I miss y'all. Mostly I miss sitting on my deck and reading, and seeing different people depending on the time of day. Emily on weekend mornings, Nick on weekday evenings, Alex as we both talked on the phone at night. I am a weird person, and I hope that I'm not the only one who feels like they happily reunite with people who they missed, only to feel pangs about other people they left behind elsewhere.